I'd stop it right here

This is worth to try..

I've been so cynic about my self lately...but I wasn't always like this. It can be the outcomes because I've been dreaming too much before, that's one reason I would like and have to agree with. Yes, I am a dreamer. Let's just say, people with biggest expectation will end up with the biggest disappointment. Like me, I guess...

I would write it in the most simple way i could find, or indeed...the only word I could use to describe my self...

I would like to go back a little...nothing about my personal life...but my personal-self i would like to call it.

Like I've said in first few lines before, I use to be a dreamer.I use to think that I'm a wonderful person with every spark. Until lately i found out that i wasn't that wonderful...wasn't as smart and all these times, i was just too comfortable with what I've done...which is not bad, but it's actually not good enough.

That's when my relationship with myself turns really-really bad.

I tend to blame my self for every broken heart, every mistakes, every little thing i could not do, every fight i had with anyone, i always think if i was better maybe this wouldn't happen. If I'm more grown up, maybe things would be better. If i was more gorgeous maybe people would love me more...

The issue is to cover everything. I throw the blame to other people just because i don't want to show this feeling to people. The feeling of disappointment of being not perfect enough.

I build walls, my act are falling apart. I try to outsmart people just to proof that I'm right.

These things are not easy to admit, but with all my heart. I wish to change...and today, i found such great relief that everything will be quite ok. I don't to be such melancholic bitch who brag about how suffered I am, i will once again try to put back some light into my life.

I'm still not depressed and I'm trying not to, so here it goes...