For a while, it's spring

Thee above, you hold the secret of why the colour of the flower match it's smell. And as generous as you can be, we're not forbid to see the sky slightly change it's tone of colour...In this settle ground, through the comfort of my own home. Love and every small fuss (that will only bring us closer together) I would one day leave it all behind. I will someday travel to the other world.

World that is far away from my shelter...world that is not as pretty as the branches that awaits for me every morning. Neither as delightful as the light from the sun that is peeking through my window...

I would one day journey to the coldest sea. Of unguaranteed bridges of life...

Yet...still I'm so close to the life that I know, things that seems to stay...Always, seems like forever. Though I know now that it is only for a while..

for a while It's spring

Rainy Sunday evening thoughts

As Mr.B showed the pictures he’s going to exhibit. I saw the frames. Big and classy, with highly personal touch of art. My mind keep heading somewhere in between 5 years from now, maybe I will make such pictures. I never think things that occur in our lives today has no reason for what will happen tomorrow or many many years later. All of this will lead up to something.

In my opinion, we can’t choose our lives, for every element of fate has chose their owner. And I have never think of choosing art when I was 6 years old drawing things that seems meaningless. I have never chose to get close with someone who knows and taught art. With moments in frame, or get involved with things that no one seems to understand. I have never thought to want this thing, to want my right brain work better than my left brain.

These things are hard to understand. There is no sense to it. Nevertheless every key will somehow belong to a door, a key has never made for nothing. Like a puzzle piece, every small piece of it belong to a big picture. Moments are all connected. It wasn’t just invented to be one or single.

The rain keeps falling outside as the conversation goes along. I may not know the future will be, or how shall I pass these years. And these things I have written is like a big unexplainable question of time travels. I will soon have the answer, but as time rolls along. I have no power to unlock the mystery of this life, will this quest soon stopped by any unfortunate event? I can only hope not to mislead or get into a wrong cross road when it comes to choose a path.

Memories are not something we can bring back to reality once it’s gone. Today, I have missed to capture the moment when my dad was standing near to the door watching the rain, and now, the moment has lost it’s value of trust. It will now remain as an unclear image in my head. That are proof to has no existence. And it is amazing how a photograph can either lie, or bring back the truth of one moment with such silence.

We’re all growing old. We surrender to time that will soon absorb us to uncertainty and immortality. Any unanswered question will live on forever, the moments that are left forsaken will remain as ghost that haunt us to the end of our lives. Yet we know it’s there…we all know, it remains somewhere in us.

“We photographers deal in things which are continually vanishing, and when they have vanished there is no contrivance on earth can make them come back again. We cannot develop and print a memory. “
Henri Cartier-Bresson

Back to where it was

“Please make me humble, faithful and wise…

Please, don’t let me become one of those people who can only judge

without having a knowledge to judge,

I want to listen…

please make me speak only word of wisdom,

and if I shall do mistake, please make me realize so I’m not late to correct them”

Sometimes I was being a little too proud. I was talking to my photography teacher who did photography for 4 years, and currently teaching in big University. As we talked, I sometimes gave him an opinion which only end up bringing shame to myself…somewhere between my heart and brain I seems to feel like I understand the conversation very well.

I’m just human, as I travelled to maturity I sometimes lost myself to greed and ambitions, the eager of becoming someone overwhelmed me, I want people to see me as an image whom I’ve portrayed to be. I want people to recognize me, I want them to know my sacrifice..which now i’ve come to realize that a sacrifice has lost it’s value when the person who choose to sacrifice began to wish for admiration…and at the cross road I could only think ”How did i get here?”

I sometimes ask my self ‘is it really that hard to just listen?’

One time I said to my teacher, that I really want to go outside to take pictures.

But then magically he replied to me

“why do you treat your camera like something you would bring for war? what makes you think you would take good picture outside if you couldn’t take good picture right here ?”

That was not (at all) an answer I expect from him. I was expecting an answer like “great,you’re ready” or at least, an approval from him. How come i get this far without knowing what I’ve gained ? Disappointed with the answer, I was awake for a whole night, until I suddenly stopped. I felt like someone inside me keep saying

“go back”

I close my eyes, then all these thoughts come to my head, slowly…as if I was counting sheep…I remember when I was a little younger, I said to myself that the things that matters most are the littlest thing some people forgotten. Like the rain, the smell of a wet green grass…the golden shine of wheat in harvest season…every inch of wall in my house that filled with warmth a home could ever had, and the lovely conversation in breakfast time.

I remember times when everything is still so easy,

Times when I took pictures for nothing but for me to keep, and I use to say “I want to take pictures so one day my children could see who I was, when I was young and full of life. That I use to dream just like them, …so they know who their mother, and how their father was…” In fact, I don’t mind to have a small life at that time , I was an honest person who make what I feel.

Life itself is ordinary, but the moments you had is extraordinary and it doesnt choose anyone else but you to discover. Things are just wonderful the way they were.

” Nothing is ever that far, after all the most beautiful photograph is just around the corner.”