Sometimes I was being a little too proud. I was talking to my photography teacher who did photography for 4 years, and currently teaching in big University. As we talked, I sometimes gave him an opinion which only end up bringing shame to myself…somewhere between my heart and brain I seems to feel like I understand the conversation very well.
I’m just human, as I travelled to maturity I sometimes lost myself to greed and ambitions, the eager of becoming someone overwhelmed me, I want people to see me as an image whom I’ve portrayed to be. I want people to recognize me, I want them to know my sacrifice..which now i’ve come to realize that a sacrifice has lost it’s value when the person who choose to sacrifice began to wish for admiration…and at the cross road I could only think ”How did i get here?”
I sometimes ask my self ‘is it really that hard to just listen?’
One time I said to my teacher, that I really want to go outside to take pictures.
But then magically he replied to me
“why do you treat your camera like something you would bring for war? what makes you think you would take good picture outside if you couldn’t take good picture right here ?”
That was not (at all) an answer I expect from him. I was expecting an answer like “great,you’re ready” or at least, an approval from him. How come i get this far without knowing what I’ve gained ? Disappointed with the answer, I was awake for a whole night, until I suddenly stopped. I felt like someone inside me keep saying
“go back”
I close my eyes, then all these thoughts come to my head, slowly…as if I was counting sheep…I remember when I was a little younger, I said to myself that the things that matters most are the littlest thing some people forgotten. Like the rain, the smell of a wet green grass…the golden shine of wheat in harvest season…every inch of wall in my house that filled with warmth a home could ever had, and the lovely conversation in breakfast time.
I remember times when everything is still so easy,
Times when I took pictures for nothing but for me to keep, and I use to say “I want to take pictures so one day my children could see who I was, when I was young and full of life. That I use to dream just like them, …so they know who their mother, and how their father was…” In fact, I don’t mind to have a small life at that time , I was an honest person who make what I feel.
Life itself is ordinary, but the moments you had is extraordinary and it doesnt choose anyone else but you to discover. Things are just wonderful the way they were.
” Nothing is ever that far, after all the most beautiful photograph is just around the corner.”
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